I Win!
You know, when the messenger pigeon made it to me with the message that I had won life…I was pretty pumped. I mean, the furthest I had made it before was like Level 9 (Cancer got me, son of a bitch). Anyways, I was really excited to win life. I watch a lot of TV, so I’m smart enough to know that winners on those reality shows get like, a million bucks, so I figure winning the ultimate reality show (see: life) would give me a pretty nice prize. How wrong I was. Besided said messenger pigeon having a nasty case of smallpox, I didn’t really “win” anything. Not even a pimped car or celebrity makeover a’la MTV. Nope, just the ability to blog and permission to use a sweet avatar. Still, this can’t be it. I’m going to continue posting under the assumption that each post earns me points to winning different things….like radios and skateboards, like the selling programs they used to put in the back of Archie Comics to make kids sell their dumb shit.
I’m going to work my way up to a Tobey Mcguire makeover, just you watch. Until then, send me shit in the hospital, smallpox sucks…and so does the rash/vomiting….the excessive bleeding I can deal with.
Regarding the Doctor’s previous announcement, I would like to give my deep appreciation and testimonial to the true ‘Winner of Life’, myself. Let me start this off by giving a brief explanation of the phrase ‘Winner of Life’ - coined by yours truly - and it’s considerable swagger (if you’re not sure, swagger means that I’m awesome).
