As you may or may not know, I am a person that likes to reflect on the past. I say fuck the future, the past ruled. If I could, I would go back into the past to the very summer I am going to talk about in this blog. So much tomfoolery, so little time.

So my best friend at the time, Craig, was literally my next door neighbour (yes we tried the whole aluminum can and string telephone… don’t even get me started on that piece of tripe). Just try to imagine the hilarity that ensued.
…continue reading Summer of ‘69 (give or take 30 years)

You know internet, you’re not a bad guy…you’re not.

I rely on you for communicating with my friends and keeping up with sports scores and the odd music download. Trust me, I appreciate all you do.

But listen, when you send your minions out to post links to old men having a gay orgy, that’s where I draw the line.

The fact I can find a picture of the black guy from the Sprint/Nextel “You Agitatin’ My Dots?” commercial is great.

But when I click on a link, and it takes me to a tutorial WITH PICTURES on how to cut my own penis in half….it makes me sad.

…continue reading Now I’ve Seen Everything

Too often these days people rely on foul language to express their emotions. When in pain, when angry, or even when someone is just trying to get their point across.

FUCKING SHIT GODDAMN ASSHOLE! MY MOTHERFUCKING TOE HURTS LIKE SHIT!

This is highly unnecessary. Fucking funny as a shit-eating cock-ass, but still unnecessary.
So I have composed a list of commonly used swears and alternatives for the office place, formal party or even during a wholesome game of Clue. (p.s. Colonel Mustard is clearly homosexual. He would have been all over Miss Scarlet. Hello… MISS Scarlet, Colonel. Get on it. Oh wait, you like penis? Oh, well I think Professor Plum is pretty open-minded.) Anyway … here it is.
…continue reading An Alternative to Profanity

I’m going to describe to you a situation I was witness to today on my drive into work.

I came out of a grocery store parking lot and drove around the back of the store so I could come out at an intersection with stoplights. I was trying to avoid crossing two lanes of traffic on Calgary’s busy 16th Ave. I stopped at an intersection a block away from the lights at a four way stop. As I am stopped a women driving a station wagon with two small kids in the back drives through the 4 way stop, does a U-turn in the middle of the intersection, and continues to drive back in the opposite direction. Did I mention she was also talking on her cell phone?

The real kicker is, as she pulled out of her U-turn and drove down the street I see the “baby on board” sign she is so proudly displaying in her rear window. Seriously, some people are infinitely stupid. Or maybe it’s just a testament to what you can get away with on Calgary’s streets.

I made sure I had $1.75CAD in change tonight when I came to work because I know that is how much a 561ml pop costs from the vending machine. So you can be sure I was pretty pissed off when I get to the pop machine to find the price has been raised to $1.85. Hmm… why is it that every year the price of a bottle of pop goes up if its still “the same great taste”? Its because my hard earned money is going to pay freakin Beonce $20 million to hold a Pepsi between her bootylicious ass cheeks in a 30 second waste of everyone’s life. I wish we could get Royal Crown cola in Canada cause if we could I’d drink it, then piss in the can and make those pop suits take my Pepsi challenge.
…continue reading Why does Pepsi keep going up in price if its “the same great taste”?

I have a friend who often sends me all of the crap forwards and chainmail she gets from her friends. Some of the things she sends me have religous themes. Personally I believe organized religion is the devil. However, I usualy get sucked into reading them anyway because they are always good for at least a little giggle.

I particularly enjoyed this one because it plays on peoples emotions towards religion to fuel a chain letter. And its in the form of a poem! Aaww, isnt that clever. You know some effort went into this.

Dear God,
I’m writing to say I’m sorry
For being angry yesterday
When you seemed to ignore my prayer
And things didn’t go my way

…continue reading “Let there be religious poetry chain-mail” - God

There’s nothing I love more than spending some quality time with my family, making a gingerbread house. The christmas season is upon us, and since gingerbread was Jesus’ main snack of choice, in the past we have celebrated his birth by creating a manger out of the tasty treat.

Nowadays the gingerbread house has become such a widespread phenomenon, that people are going all out to have the best house - or better yet, a mansion. In fact, just yesterday I made a full-powered hydroelectric dam out of gingerbread in under 2 and a half hours.
…continue reading Gingerbread and the new millenium.

So I’m reading digg today and I came across this story posted from the MSNBC Newsweek site about BitTorrent. I’ve got to say I was thoroughly disappointed and I had to try really hard to refrain from punching myself in the face. The article is a short interview with BitTorrent’s creator Bram Cohen.

Now this interview could have been a great opportunity to get some fresh information on Bram’s new company, the $8.75 million he received in venture capital, and what great things we can expect to see from him. However, instead of writing a meaningful article Steven Levy just relied on buzz words like “piracy”, “illegal copying”, and “Napster” to trick people into reading another story about things people already know.

Here is the article. You should probably scan through this first:
No, It’s Not the New Napster
BitTorrent’s creator says he’s building a business, not a pirate network.

Oh I’m not done… read on.
…continue reading Bram Cohen is not a Pirate.

I was reading a piece Joel Spolsky wrote about a rumor that Steve Jobs is going to change his $0.99/song deal on iTunes and allow for multiple price points. His article goes on to discuss the power struggle in the music selling business and how this would be a major shift giving the Labels more power.
…continue reading I hate the recording industry.