I was looking in the local Yellow Pages today for something that starts with the letter E (we’ll say … enema discount services) when I came across the Escort section.

Okay I know we have all seen this section and some of us have possibly even pranked called a few. Not me, of course … that’s just wrong. But I think I have found a new little “quirk” about me. Whenever I am in a new city I like to read the escort pages and see what type of ridiculous advertisements they have. It’s not weird, I swear.

So the first one I see in the local Yellow Pages is:

#1. Ladies Of The North

oh yeah, that turns my crank. I instantly think of the song “Thompson” by Sidney Castel, a really old native singer. If you haven’t heard the song, do whatever you have to do in your power to listen to it now. download it. After you listen to that song in it’s entirity, re-read this blog and when you read “ladies of the north” you will laugh again, but this time it won’t be a pity laugh.
I’m pretty sure the people that use these services don’t want any toothless seal-clubbing ladies from the north. I don’t know, maybe I’m wrong.

Next one I read was:

#2. Budget Escorts

Okay, everyone loves a bargain, and hey most of us are on a pretty tight budget these days. but i’m pretty sure the one thing you dont want to cheap out on is your escorts. I think you are going to regret that choice. If you are going to decide to go down that escort path, 10 bucks may be the difference between a well-hidden penis and a legitimate woman. so treat yourself … after all, you deserve it buddy.

#3. Men’s Club Escorts - Free Consultation

What the hell is a consultation when we’re talking about Escorts? This one just confuses me. I’m pretty sure by consultation they meant blowjob. simple mistake, really.

#4. Escort Services - Free Transportation to Downtown Hotels

wow … way to be discreet, hookers.

#5. Hoe Down Entertainment - You can Take the Gal out of the Farm But You Can’t Take The Farm Out Of The Gal!

I’m just not sure what they are saying here. Are they threatening us? Oh I get it, by Farm they meant Jail.

Yours Truly,
Thrillhouse