Too often these days people rely on foul language to express their emotions. When in pain, when angry, or even when someone is just trying to get their point across.

FUCKING SHIT GODDAMN ASSHOLE! MY MOTHERFUCKING TOE HURTS LIKE SHIT!

This is highly unnecessary. Fucking funny as a shit-eating cock-ass, but still unnecessary.
So I have composed a list of commonly used swears and alternatives for the office place, formal party or even during a wholesome game of Clue. (p.s. Colonel Mustard is clearly homosexual. He would have been all over Miss Scarlet. Hello… MISS Scarlet, Colonel. Get on it. Oh wait, you like penis? Oh, well I think Professor Plum is pretty open-minded.) Anyway … here it is.

1. THE OFFICE

Common remark: Monkeyfucking piece of shit!!
Acceptable replacement: This printer’s technology is outstanding, however, it’s ability to constantly have paper lodged within it’s inner workings frustrates me. I will procure an alternative printing device for now.

Common remark: Fuck you, asscock mcgee!!!!!!
Acceptable replacement: Unfortunately I cannot attend your meeting as I have prior commitments. (note: do not mention that those commitments are to his mother)

2. FORMAL PARTY

Common remark: What the fuck is this smelly piece of ass!?!
Acceptable replacement: This cornish game hen is quite decadent. Kudos, chef! You have intrigued us all with your magnificent splendor!

Common remark: Fucking shitty car! Fuck you, car! Fuck you!!!
Acceptable replacement: Sir, I apologize for being tardy. Our limousine had an unfortunate bout of engine problems. Oh well - a toast to good health!

3. PLAYING CLUE

Common remark: Colonel Mustard can eat my shit! I will shove a lit candlestick up your ass you fucking douchebag!
Acceptable replacement: Oh my, gents. This game is wonderous and full of adventure! High fives all around!

Common remark: This game is the shittiest piece of monkey shit that ever existed. Shit, I say. Shit.
Acceptable replacement: Though this game is both entertaining and intriguing, may I suggest an alternative game, such as Hungry Hungry Hippos?

If they say no, THEN you tell them to fuck off - because Hungry Hungry Hippos is badass. Anyone that opposes to hungry hungry hippos can eat my shit.

Please remember, folks. Swearing is not a right. It is a privelege. And a fucking sweet one at that. Bitches.